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The Hills Recap: I Want You To Be With Me

As usual, THG's recap of The Hills will consist of us grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

This week, Audrina Patridge is still torn between Corey Bohan and that loser Justin-Bobby, and whining about it 24-7, while Stephanie Pratt's new boyfriend Cameron decides to stand up to Brody Jenner ... then later backs off of course.

On to the rankings!

As noted in the sneak preview we posted yesterday, Chiara is clearly annoyed with Audrina's wishy-washy whining about Justin-Bobby. Plus 5.

Minus 2 for a couple naming their daughter Chiara.

Corey Bohan is no fool. When Audrina mentions that Justin-Bobby went on the Cabo trip, he's instantly skeptical. Audrina says "Lauren and I shared a room," and he replies "Sure you did." Plus 3 for honesty. And Plus 3 more for the accent.

Justin-Bobby Brescia & Audrina Patridge in an emotional, mumbled heart-to-heart.

Brody Jenner continues his hatred of Stephanie for reasons unknown. “Please god, let Cameron say something to me," he says. Typical guys. When they go to the club, they set out to either get laid or get into a fight. Either works. Plus 5.

Despite talking a good game, Cameron ends up saying nothing to Brody. What a [insert female body part of choice here]. Minus 3.

Brandy is recording in the studio where Audrina works. This prompts Audrina to inquire about her brother Ray J and the infamous Kim Kardashian sex tape. We're obviously making the second part up, but Brandy's mere presence at Epic Records inspired us to imagine that scenario, which amuses us to no end. Plus 15.

Did the producers write Lo out of the series, or is she just too boring to warrant screen time? Minus 1. Or Plus 1. We can't decide if this is good or bad.

MTV actually airs The Hills from 10-10:34 to squeeze in four extra minutes of ads. To those without recording capabilities, this is raw pain. Minus 6.

Justin-Bobby delivers the ultimate reassuring line: "I will pretty much be there for you." Pretty much. Now that's compelling. Plus 10, because for all his douchebag qualities, Justin-Bobby is consistent at least. He's not gonna blatantly lie, just cryptically lead Audrina on and let her take the bait. Diabolical.

We can't believe we're saying this, but we're sort of missing Spencer Pratt. The puppet master's passive-aggressive comments are always a highlight, even if you want to hurl the remote at the screen. Too few Spencer scenes this week. Minus 2.

This is kind of a side note, but Lauren Conrad is reported to be hanging out with Kyle Howard (of My Boys) quite a bit, yet we haven't seen photos of this or heard any references to her new man on The Hills. What gives? Minus 3.

Defending her decision to dump Corey, Audrina tells Chiara that "Justin wouldn't say those things to me unless he really meant it." Right. Guys have never exaggerated any feelings in order to get in girls' pants. Not once. Minus 12.

TOTAL: +13. Once you lower your expectations of Audrina Patridge and just accept the show for the entertainment it provides, The Hills never disappoints.

Audrina Patridge Topless Tussle: J-Bobby vs. Corey Bohan

It was a tough call (okay, not really) for Audrina Patridge on The Hills as Justin "Bobby" Brescia and Corey Bohan both vied for her large fake boobs affections.

While it was obvious who the topless Audrina Patridge would end up choosing (we all know she can't kick bad habit J-Bobby), who would you have gone for?

Justin-Bobby or Corey Bohan: Who would you rather ...

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	Justin-Bobby Brescia
	Corey Bohan
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The Hills Recap: Who to Choose?

THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: As is our new custom, our recap of The Hills will consist of a brief rundown of events, then our staff members grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

Despite the presence of a charming Corey Bohan, Audrina Patridge is still drawn to bad boy Justin-Bobby, while Lauren Conrad is cute as ever, and a conniving Spencer Pratt is still determined to give Holly Montag the boot from his apartment.

On to the rankings!

"If you take your top off and went over there, I'd probably have to chase you," Justin Bobby says. Dear God, what an unbelievably lame line, but Plus 5 because it totally works and he thus gets to see Audrina Patridge (fake boobs and all) topless.

The Cabo San Lucas Tourism Board must pay for all the name dropping. Minus 1.

Backhanded compliment of the year from Spencer to Stephanie: "I can't imagine disliking a sister more... Should make you feel good." LOL. Plus 7.

Once again, we are forced to mention that we already know Justin-Bobby will win out before any drama unfolds, as Corey Bohan was seen with Audrina 24/7 for like a week this summer before falling off the face of the Earth. Minus 10.

Corey is hot. J-Bobby is not. Audrina missed that memo? Minus 4.

Audrina laments to Lauren Conrad that she hasn't had to choose between two guys in the longest time. Girl is only 23, but Plus 4 because when you're wrapped up in a faux-reality bubble, a few weeks can seem like an eternity.

Spencer Pratt tells Stephanie that Holly is "the mooch of the century." Minus 2 for a pot calling the kettle black, but Plus 6 because he's oblivious and doesn't realize it.

We get full coverage of Audrina and Corey, but LC has supposedly dated Kyle Howard off and on for some time, and we see nothing. What gives, MTV? Minus 3.

It was a nice change of pace to focus on someone besides Lauren for a chance ... so long as the focus shifts back to her next week. She's very pretty. Plus 4.

No passive-aggressive rage from Lo this week. Minus 1.

Brody Jenner has so many parties, it's like that's his job. Oh, wait ... Plus 2.

How is it possible that Justin-Bobby and Doug Reinhardt of all people travel in the same group of friends? Not that this is the first example of this, but there has to be some MTV prodding for these random peeps to hang. Minus 5.

Frankie Delgado approaches Audrina to get to the bottom of stuff. He is totally the Ryan Seacrest of The Hills, always staying involved in everyone's business, but remaining neutral and generally likable. And sponging off their fame. Plus 4.

Heidi Montag wears far too much makeup - and not even to work or to hot L.A. clubs, mind you, but to casual meals with friends! Minus 2.

Eventually, Heidi told Holly Montag to move out because, Spencer claims, Holly had just been sitting on the couch, doing nothing productive. One person doing that in the apartment is fine, but two? Unforgivable, apparently. Plus 3.

TOTAL: +7. A good one, through and through. Hard to complain anytime Justin-Bobby and Spencer Pratt battle for the title of most loathed Hills boyfriend.

Corey Bohan, Audrina Patridge Step Out

In case you thought that the reported pairing of Audrina Patridge and Corey Bohan was pure celebrity gossip and not fact, think again.

The duo was spotted at the Rainbow Club in Hollywood this weekend.

While it's hard to say if Audrina will keep Corey Bohan around longer than she did Tal Cooperman or Justin-Bobby Brescia, he is already quasi-famous and very successful at his own thing - BMX racing - so we doubt it's just a stunt.

Regardless, we're psyched to catch up on the life of Audrina and the rest of the gang on the season premiere of The Hills tonight on MTV.

New Couple Alert: Audrina Patridge and Corey Bohan!

We were all set to call it a Friday. It's almost beer o'clock on the east coast, after all.

But celebrity gossip knows no happy hour, as there's late breaking news this evening: Audrina Patridge is totally dating Corey Bohan!

The Hills star and the professional BMX champion were spotted together last week during the Summer X Games. Said a rep for Bohan:

"I still don't think either one of them is at a point to be in a serious, committed relationship. But they get along and have fun together."

Audrina Patridge and Corey Bohan get into a car yesterday afternoon following a lunch date at Sushi Roku in L.A.

The new coupling is well-known to Audrina's friends and co-stars. Just ask Whitney Port.

"I think they're definitely seeing each other," she said. "He's pretty good looking!"

Will we be watching the seeds of this relationship planted on the new season of The Hills? It premieres Monday night. We'll see you back here for a recap soon afterwards!